Big Daddy’s Primo Pizza’s life ended this past school year. Big Daddy’s was assumed dead after a multi-month disappearance from the Bowling Green High School cafeteria that tore at the hearts of students. Mrs. Michelle Obama is still the main suspect in an ongoing investigation.
He was survived by his friends, the Bowling Green High School students; his family, the Uncrustables and spaghetti; and his sidekick: the corn he was always served with. He was preceded in death by non whole grain pasta and original Doritos (thanks, Obama).
Big Daddy’s was a delicious addition to and long-standing staple of the Purples’ lunch menu. Some students have expressed their sorrow via a Google review of BGHS, including graduate Darius Tucker: “After you attend this school for four years and graduate, there are but four words that will mean everything to you: Big Daddy's Primo Pizza.” These words speak the truth about Big Daddy’s as many of his friends have said. Many will miss his crunchy crust topped with delicious cheese and finished off with mouthwatering pepperoni.
The taste, texture, and fame that made Big Daddy’s what it was cannot be expected to be replicated and hasn’t been. It’s hard to tell the difference between the crust and flimsy cardboard. As you take a bite into the new crust, you wonder why you are eating cardboard that’s been soaking in students’ tears shed at the loss of Big Daddy’s. Cheese isn’t an accurate description for what is on top of the cardboard, which is better described as a bland, stretchy rubber. The sauce really ruins the so called “meal” since it acts as the glue for the whole slice. The sauce is just too sweet, leaning too heavily towards the tomato side of a balance of sweet tomatoes and savory seasonings that Big Daddy’s had in such elegant equilibrium.
Writing this description had me shedding tears of anger, not just at the unjust death of Big Daddy’s but at the terrible successor to an all-time great. The school community shall cherish the memory of Big Daddy’s for years to come, and the new recipe can never compare.
By Ethan Rutter